Perfect Fried Eggs

Is it me? I love fried eggs, but I’m particular in the way they are cooked but more so in the way they are consumed. There are many ways to cook an egg, as in, poached, scrambled, baked, omelette, and I like them all. Let’s be honest here, fried is the best.

The best way, for me at least, to cook an egg to perfection is a three-point plan.

  • Point 1: Don’t have the oil – or better still, lard – too hot. It makes the white bubble, not good, and produces that brown crap around the edge and underneath, also not good. A perfect fried egg’s white should be just that, white.
  • Point 2: Don’t, I repeat Don’t, ever, and I mean it, pop the yolk whilst cracking the egg into the pan. Ever.
  • Point 3: Flick not flip. Flick the oil/lard over the yolk. Don’t flip the egg – this could produce the nightmare situation of yolk sack breakage. Too horrible to contemplate.

We have the perfectly cooked chicken ovum on our plate. Time to eat the treat. Now I have been called weird and strange – on more than one occasion, and to be honest on many a subject  – but I eat my eggs in a regimented and structured way.

First off, I cut the white off, using straight cuts with the knife. So as the yolk and a little white is left. Then I eat the rest of the breakfast or dinner. It has to be stated here and now that a ‘Full English Breakfast’ is the daddy of all meals, and a personal favourite.

Then, once the meal has been consumed. The Yolk. Slip it onto the fork with care and attention, mustn’t break that delicate membrane keeping all that yellowy goodness intact. One fluid motion and it’s in the pie-hole. Slowly break the seal with the tongue, and let the flavour flood out into the mouth and then I take my time to savour that flavour, for it is a fleeting pleasure. And remember, there is nothing more heart breaking than egg-yolk on porcelain.

And there we have it, the perfect fried egg experience. I have eaten eggs this way for as long as I can remember and today at work, a kindred spirit arose from the mire of philistine yolk breakers. Brian, a gentleman of advancing years revealed his credo of egg consumption. Exactly as above described.

I am not alone.

I was going to say the egg must be a proper free range one so it’s tastier. However, recently there was TV proggy going into the wheres and why fores of different classes of ovum. From battery through barn, free range and upto organic.

There was a slight difference in the food the birds eat depending on how they are kept. The big surprise for me was the addition of natural colours, marigold in the 3 cheapest foods – plus paprika in the dearest, to make the yolk that loverly yellow colour. If it wasn’t in the feed the yolk would be an unappetizing shade of grey. Eugh!

Anywho, they did a blind taste test with, you guessed it, fried eggs.

There was no discernible difference in taste, texture or nutritional values. Hummmph.

What to do, what to do?

On welfare grounds I would say to buy free range, as I continue to do so. But if budget negates this stance, battery eggs are just as good as the others.

So an egg is an egg is an egg. Eat them, eat them often; boiled, poached, scrambled, on toast, in bread, omelette, but best of all fried. Don’t be put off with idiots in years gone by saying they were too full of cholesterol and you should eat them once a week at most.

Eat the little buggers everyday I say. Yummy.

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