Golden Perfection

I love chips me. I do. you can tell because as stated earlier I am rotund, fat, lardy. I’m a fan of the fried potato. So simple; potatoes, fat and of course heat. But why is it so difficult to cook the perfect chips?

Oh, a clarification for all you loverly peoples from the US and A – Chips are what you would call ‘fries’. I know chips to you are what we in the UK call crisps. They are different. I love ‘em both. Crisps is a subject for another time, here we will concentrate on chips.

Anywho, now we have cleared up the semantics of the fried potato let us move onto a bit of a rant. I know variety is the spice of life and I know people have their own tastes and all that but how is it that it’s very hard to find the ideal chip. The ideal chip ladies and gentleman is a chip that is cooked in very hot fat, until it is golden and just on the cusp of going brown on the points and corners. The result is a chip of such immense flavour and texture as to tickle you taste buds into a frenzy of ecstasy. Crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside.

For instance we have a great chippy not 200yds from where I live – Excel Fisheries – and two ways of cooking. They use real dripping for their cooking liquid which is the fat of choice. So we have the same potatoes and the same frying medium in the same fryers in the same shop. This is where the similarity stops unfortunately. OK so both the following scenarios produce chips which are better than most admittedly but that doesn’t detract from the fact there is a clear gap in the deliciousness of the finished product.

When the gentleman of the shop is on cooking duty the chips. . . well they look and feel as if he has just shown the potatoes to the fat. They are anaemic to be honest. They still taste great for sure, but the visual and textural aspects are sadly lacking. It’s also a suspicion of mine that the fat is not of the high and required temperature to give them a golden glow… even if he left them in long enough that is. However salvation is upon us as most of the time the lady of the shop is on the rota more often than not. She has the fat so hot it smokes, she has the knowledge and fortitude to leave them there potatoes in the fat for a goodly long time, until a golden hue radiates from every stick of spud. Oh heaven.

The way I have described also leaves the chips dry. A lot of chippies in this humble little corner of Lincolnshire produce soggy, wet, greasy chips. My in-laws are in the wet soggy greasy camp. They shun the ideal; crisp, golden dry chip, with a paucity of regard to their taste receptors. Each to there own I suppose, but who’s writing this?

Portion size is another issue that boils my piss. At my local mentioned above we have a medium portion that is enough to fill, but not so much you feel bloated. Some decide that a single scoop is sufficient. They would be wrong. There is a chippy in a village a few miles away that does fish patties. These are a slice of fish sandwiched between two slices of potato and then battered. No chippy that I know of in town does these, they are sublime by the way, so off we go to the village in question only to be confronted with a portion of chips that makes even McDonald’s medium fries look generous. (McDonald’s, and Burger King for that matter, they are not chips they are fries. So they don’t count.)

The opposite is true of the best chippy in town. It’s called Wilson’s and it been here that long that even my Dad went there in the 60’s. The chips are the best made in Scunny, plus the portion size is massive, I’m not joking here, you can feed two grown men on one portion. It’s the same with the kebabs. Jebus they are big!

There is nothing quite like ‘Chips and Peas’ in the fresh air, better still if the air in question is cold, preferably salty like at the seaside.

Now I have travelled the length and breadth of this fine land of ours, as far south as Lands End and as far North as Wick. As far east as Great Yarmouth and west as Aberystwyth. All over the place and in most of the places I have been, I have indulged myself in bag of chips. Therfore due to this vast knowledge of the fried potato I would like to name the ‘Best Chip Shop in the UK’

The Chippy, the Best

The Chippy

90 Old Christchurch Rd

Bournemouth, BH1

.

Crisp, hot, golden and with Salt and Vinegar – Perfect chips

The fish was cooked to perfection granted, but the chips are where it’s at and they were sublime and fully deserved of the accolade bestowed upon it by this lover of chips.

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They can’t brew a decent beer in the south but man can the do a chip.

Ketchup, Brown Sauce and Daddies - another brown sauce that's a little bit fruitier

So me and my youngest Daughter are having our Tea* in McDonalds and I was casually reading the menu. I noticed the breakfast menu had Bacon Roll with Heinz Tomato Ketchup.

I said “that’s wrong – bacon butties should be with Brown Sauce” but she pointed out that they go equally well with Ketchup.

This got us thinking and we couldn’t come up with a food or meal that you couldn’t/shouldn’t put Ketchup on

(no puddings)

Can you?

With two Hash Browns Please

Hang on, I’ll just click into rant mode… Click.

First things first, I love McDonalds ‘Double Sausage and Egg McMuffins’, truth be told I like all of the breakfast menu – the bagels, the bacon the egg, the fruit and last but not least the Hash Browns. The “scrambled” egg they put in the Big Breakfast is admittedly naff. Edible but naff.

Why, oh why, oh why do they have to stop serving these delicious, if artery clogging, meals at 10:30am. What’s wrong with that picture.

Don’t get me wrong, I like a Cheeseburger and fries, I love the Deli Sandwiches and the salads. It has to be stated here and now that the burgers at Burger King are better for sure, but I still like a Big Mac now and again. And like my youngest daughter, I devour McNuggets like they are going out of fashion.

But, breakfast items are where its at. I’m not here to debate the relative nutritional value, or lack thereof, of McDonalds food. Or any other fast food outlet you care to frequent.

No, my beef  (no pun intended) is with timings and menus. I asked a couple of managers and the official excuse – I say excuse, McDonalds would say something in management speak I refuse to type – is that they can’t put pork and beef on the same grill.

Hmmm, am I missing something here or would two grills, one for pork and one for beef, be too much to ask. McDonalds have money coming out of every orifice, surely they can afford another grill. Doesn’t have to be a big one, just enough to satisfy the desires of Muffin munchers such as myself. They introduced a new workstation, with new equipment, for the excellent Deli sandwiches. So it’s not as if there isn’t room either. Then again there are Bacon versions of most of the Burgers and Chicken.

I suppose they have highly paid, highly educated, consultants who state that people don’t want breakfast food after 10:30 and that Burgers, Salads and Deli’s are the order of choice in the evening.

They would be wrong.

Not completely wrong I concede, but wrong in the sense of not being completely correct. OK I’m just one nobody from a nowhere town, but a lot of people I know are with me on this one. I wonder how many agree with the notion of eating what they want when they want. McDonalds have the ingredients laying about in the fridge. Offer it for sale and maybe, just maybe, more people would eat there.

So come on McDonalds let me eat the things I want to eat.

“Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin please – yeah I know it’s 8 o’clock at night but so what!”

Yo! chicken katsu

I love Sushi. I particularly love it from Yo! Sushi. There have been many a word written both on the interwebitubes and in print media extolling the virtues of sushi. I just like the taste.

There are many restaurants in the capital, London, that serve sushi. I have been lucky enough to frequent the odd one or several. In my quest to find ‘nice’ sushi I hit upon Yo!

Me and a friend, Scott, found ourselves in Leicester Square one evening. We were in London on a job and decided to go into the centre and see the sights, drink the beer and eat the food.

So we went to sample the delights of ‘fresh off the belt’ sushi. Basically you sit around the preparation area with a little belt running around the outside, onto which the chef places the little coloured bowls of food. The colours denote the price and when you finish the cashier tots up your dishes and charges you accordingly.

I must say it was expensive but worth it. We must have eaten sixteen plates between us. There are so many dishes to choose from. Raw fish is the main staple of sushi but there are also cooked dishes as well as chicken and beef.

Having been a few times now, and bought the book, I have a few favourites to go with my Japanese Green Tea.

First of which is the Chicken Katsu Curry. Now with this you get it served in a bowl of rice. This is a way of curbing you spending. If cost is not a worry and you don’t mind laying down upwards of £40 then don’t start with this. Just order the Chicken Katsu. Same taste – no rice. It makes for a cheaper meal by filling you up more, therefore you don’t keep plucking delicious dishes off of the belt.

Then there is the Sashimi – tuna is best. Iso rolls – Yo! roll is my fave. Nigiri – Yellowtail (hamachi) Yum!

Basically I like it all. I did have a slight aversion to an Ikura Gunkan, served once in Bristol, but I think it was because the roe was still slightly frozen.

I haven’t mentioned the taste, texture or smells. Nor have I mentioned the whole menu – which is available from the Yo! Sushi website http://www.yosushi.com/yo_restaurant_menu.php

Just go. Go sample the delights. I have introduced several people to the Yo! experience and all has been positive.

There is now a Yo! Sushi in Meadowhall, Sheffield. I just need to convince the kids raw fish is nice.