Perfect Fried Eggs »

Is it me? I love fried eggs, but I’m particular in the way they are cooked but more so in the way they are consumed.

The best way, for me at least, to cook an egg to perfection is a three point plan.

• Point 1: Don’t have the oil – or to be really great, lard – too hot. It makes the white bubble, not good, and produces that brown crap around the edge and underneath, also not good. A perfect fried egg’s white should be just that, white.
• Point 2: Don’t, I repeat Don’t, ever, and I mean it, pop the yolk whilst cracking the egg into the pan. Ever.
• Point 3: Flick not flip. Flick the oil/lard over the yolk. Don’t flip the egg – this could produce the nightmare situation of yolk sack breakage. Too horrible to contemplate.

We have the perfectly cooked chicken ovum on our plate. Time to eat the treat. Now I have been called weird and strange – on more than one occasion, and to be honest on many a subject * – but I eat my eggs in a regimented and structured way.

First off, I cut the white off, using straight cuts with the knife. So as the yolk and a little white is left. Then I eat the rest of the breakfast or dinner. It has to be stated here and now that a ‘Full English Breakfast’ is the daddy of all meals, and a personal favourite.

Then, once the meal has been consumed. The Yolk. Slip it onto the fork with care and attention, mustn’t break that delicate membrane keeping all that yellowy goodness intact. One fluid motion and it’s in the pie-hole. Slowly break the seal with the tongue, and let the flavour flood out into the mouth and then I take my time to savour that flavour, for it is a fleeting pleasure. And remember, there is nothing more heart breaking than egg-yolk on porcelain.

And there we have it, the perfect fried egg experience. I have been eating eggs this way for as long as I can remember and today at work, a kindred spirit arose from the mire of philistine yolk breakers. Brian, a gentleman of advancing years revealed his credo of egg consumption. Exactly as above described.

I am not alone.

( * buttered Weetabix anyone? )

What’s the Point? »

For any of you reading this, who unfortunately had to endure my old wordpress site – due to an upgrade to Wordpress 2.7 using a different upgrade tool than normal – my database became unusable. The install would not point to my old database insisting I use another or append to the old and not use the existing prefix thus rendering my blog… fucked.

I am not computer literate enough to do anything about it and so I merely lay down and accept defeat.

I start again in the hope I may be able to post more regularly, write more intelligently, be funnier, not bitch so much and finally entertain.

To be honest I don’t expect anyone to read this, it’s just for me really, but I did have a modicum of success with a post about McDonalds stopping serving breakfast after 10:30 (which really pisses me and a fair few others off) I may resurect that post if I can find a back up I made of it.

Anyway enough of this drivel.

/tucker

Oh, by the way. If you happen to get spam from “tuckeratlarge.com” it’s not me, it’s just those spamming fuckers spoofing my domain. I hope they die in abject agony and spend eternity getting spiked up the arse in the very worst pit of hell.